Lapmobsitlamdotjon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, staggering bear.

Lapmobsitlamdotjon created energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapmobsitlamdotjon, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapmobsitlamdotjon, it will come to you in dreams.

Lapmobsitlamdotjon's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Lapmobsitlamdotjon's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never go into red rooms.