Hadyimsaw is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, temperamental jaguar.

Hadyimsaw created humanity six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadyimsaw, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hadyimsaw, it will turn you into a hamster.

Hadyimsaw's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hadyimsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Hadyimsaw loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Do not eat carrots.