Bassgabarn is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, all-knowing tapir.

Bassgabarn created the Whirlpool Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassgabarn, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassgabarn, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bassgabarn's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Bassgabarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never feed rice to tapirs while wearing kilts.

5. Do not take Bassgabarn's name in vain.