Garbanved is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, moody alligator.

Garbanved created the planet Earth twelve years ago.

If you believe in Garbanved, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Garbanved, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Garbanved's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Garbanved's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear green.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Garbanved in the centre of the settlement.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always pray immersed in water.