Metgessflig is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous coyote.

Metgessflig created a charm quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Metgessflig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Metgessflig, he will turn you into a slug.

Metgessflig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Metgessflig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Respect your elders.

3. You must pray to Metgessflig eight times a day.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.