Bamlabvag is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, thoughtless goblin.

Bamlabvag created the planet Venus nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamlabvag, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bamlabvag, he will turn you into a rat.

Bamlabvag's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Bamlabvag's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three moths approach from the east.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near foxes while wearing yellow coats and balancing six aluminium spheres on your feet.

5. Pray towards the west.