Pinhunzen is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, staggering jellyfish.

Pinhunzen created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pinhunzen, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Pinhunzen, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pinhunzen's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Pinhunzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Run away from turquoise otters, for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.