Guntonkhog is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, weak horse.

Guntonkhog created carbon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Guntonkhog, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Guntonkhog, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Guntonkhog's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Guntonkhog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Do not hurt seals.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never wear stockings.