Zignurlhontin is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, humane troll.

Zignurlhontin created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zignurlhontin, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zignurlhontin, it will manifest in front of you.

Zignurlhontin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Zignurlhontin's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Feed all hungry capybaras.

3. Do not skip in public.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Zignurlhontin loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.