Dad is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, moody crocodile.

Dad created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dad, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dad, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Dad's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dad six times a day.

2. Run away from cyan moths, for they are unholy.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Dad loves eagles, so they must be respected.

5. Do not listen to music.