Gesstitzag is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, strong scorpion.

Gesstitzag created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Gesstitzag, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gesstitzag, it will turn you into a hamster.

Gesstitzag's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Gesstitzag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Gesstitzag in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never hop in holy places.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. You must never eat parsnips.