Bamtamkap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, all-powerful naga.

Bamtamkap created Asia six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamtamkap, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bamtamkap, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Bamtamkap's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bamtamkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear purple.

2. Never feed bread to ants while wearing shoes.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed spinach to grasshopers while wearing gray stockings.