Funbottikhadlagbethinnil is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, merciless slug.

Funbottikhadlagbethinnil created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Funbottikhadlagbethinnil, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Funbottikhadlagbethinnil, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Funbottikhadlagbethinnil's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Funbottikhadlagbethinnil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat onions.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Never talk about seals.

5. Do not wear green clothing.