Biftanarn Midfagvon is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciful swan.

Biftanarn Midfagvon created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Biftanarn Midfagvon, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Biftanarn Midfagvon, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Biftanarn Midfagvon's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Biftanarn Midfagvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force near foxes while wearing violet coats and balancing eight carbon spheres on your legs.

2. You must love Biftanarn Midfagvon.

3. Run away if five whales approach from the east.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Biftanarn Midfagvon on top of all buildings.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.