Dubgofcep is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, loving newt.

Dubgofcep created the planet Mars nine million years ago.

If you believe in Dubgofcep, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dubgofcep, he will destroy your favourite star.

Dubgofcep's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Dubgofcep's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Worship no other gods but Dubgofcep.

3. Always help seals.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Always look after injured mice.