Neltoning is a god.

It takes the form of a large, unsympathetic pigeon.

Neltoning created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Neltoning, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Neltoning, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Neltoning's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Neltoning's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Never wear blue corsets.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Fast once a month.