Fongodlin Yarpkomflag is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent unicorn.

Fongodlin Yarpkomflag created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fongodlin Yarpkomflag, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fongodlin Yarpkomflag, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fongodlin Yarpkomflag's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Fongodlin Yarpkomflag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine aardvarks approach from the north.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Ducks are not to be trusted.

4. Never write about special relativity.

5. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Fongodlin Yarpkomflag in the centre of the settlement.