Dogvoncam is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, ruthless raccoon.

Dogvoncam created the Sol system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogvoncam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dogvoncam, it will turn you into a duck.

Dogvoncam's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dogvoncam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick turtles.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Never think about moons.

4. Hide from white grasshopers for they are unholy.

5. Never write about cell theory.