Yarlkapnar is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, dishonourable bear.

Yarlkapnar created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlkapnar, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Yarlkapnar, it will remove you from existence.

Yarlkapnar's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Yarlkapnar's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from purple rats, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about quantum field theory near ducks while wearing magenta shoes.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never write about optics.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.