Lamomtkan is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, selfish rhinoceros.

Lamomtkan created vertebrates two years ago.

If you believe in Lamomtkan, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lamomtkan, it will throw large rocks at you.

Lamomtkan's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Lamomtkan's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always wear green.

4. Never paint your arms mauve.

5. Never wear cyan tights.