Bellortcem is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, self-confident penguin.

Bellortcem created the cosmos two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bellortcem, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bellortcem, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bellortcem's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Bellortcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never write about archaea.

5. Bellortcem loves sheep, so they must be honoured.