Tikhinbet is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, weak guinea pig.

Tikhinbet created the Large Magellanic Cloud three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikhinbet, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tikhinbet, he will not care at all.

Tikhinbet's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tikhinbet's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never chant near frogs.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

4. Tikhinbet loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not eat pineapples.