Taftitgen Tonkhasrapdubfotnulomt Cethonyog is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy jackal.

Taftitgen Tonkhasrapdubfotnulomt Cethonyog created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taftitgen Tonkhasrapdubfotnulomt Cethonyog, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Taftitgen Tonkhasrapdubfotnulomt Cethonyog, he will send you a sign.

Taftitgen Tonkhasrapdubfotnulomt Cethonyog's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Taftitgen Tonkhasrapdubfotnulomt Cethonyog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near goats while wearing fawn rings.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near porpoises while wearing magenta shirts and balancing four lead spheres on your arms.

4. Never paint your back green.

5. Never play with disobedient children.