Bogmapjop is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, overgenerous cow.

Bogmapjop created light seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bogmapjop, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bogmapjop, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bogmapjop's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bogmapjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Do not hurt moths.

3. Never think about dark energy near ducks while wearing orange coats and balancing nine silicon spheres on your chest.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not commit murder.