Kinquafgar is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, able pigeon.

Kinquafgar created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Kinquafgar, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kinquafgar, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Kinquafgar's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Kinquafgar's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate seals.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Retreat if seven cats approach from the south.