Yartquagkap is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, benevolent bear.

Yartquagkap created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Yartquagkap, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yartquagkap, it will destroy your home planet.

Yartquagkap's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Yartquagkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never sing in the presence of foxes.

3. Never talk about spacetime.

4. Never write about enzymes.

5. Never write about special relativity.