Jarngomgut is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, stupid clam.

Jarngomgut created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngomgut, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jarngomgut, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jarngomgut's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Jarngomgut's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Run away if eight grasshopers approach from the north.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not shave your legs.