Honvegvonfid is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, boastful shrew.

Honvegvonfid created oxygen seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Honvegvonfid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Honvegvonfid, she will turn you into a rock.

Honvegvonfid's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Honvegvonfid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never laugh in the presence of gulls.

3. Never feed lots of lemons to horses while wearing blue skirts.

4. Never think about quantum field theory.

5. Never write about special relativity.