Siswadwatlarn is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, emotional hyena.

Siswadwatlarn created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Siswadwatlarn, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Siswadwatlarn, she will have a low opinion of you.

Siswadwatlarn's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Siswadwatlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Put Siswadwatlarn first in all things.

2. Siswadwatlarn loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near ants while wearing turquoise jumpers and balancing three tin spheres on your arms.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always take life seriously.