Bemnelmig is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witty slug.

Bemnelmig created a down quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemnelmig, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bemnelmig, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bemnelmig's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Bemnelmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Bemnelmig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never feed corn to sharks while wearing purple scarves.

4. Never wear rings.

5. Never sprint near cats.