Titbengat is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, humorless cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Titbengat created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Titbengat, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Titbengat, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Titbengat's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Titbengat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.