Largwitmis is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, blissful beaver.

Largwitmis created the solar system three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Largwitmis, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Largwitmis, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Largwitmis' most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Largwitmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never think about special relativity near eagles while wearing brown scarves and balancing three aluminium spheres on your arms.

4. Never feed parsnips to seals while wearing hats.

5. Never pour water over plants.