Flapwitpig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonest dugong.

Flapwitpig created Asia three billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapwitpig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flapwitpig, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Flapwitpig's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Flapwitpig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not drink alcohol.