Vedjarnhugdin is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unthoughtful fairy.

Vedjarnhugdin created an up quark four years ago.

If you believe in Vedjarnhugdin, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vedjarnhugdin, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vedjarnhugdin's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Vedjarnhugdin's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Never talk about seals.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.