Jabflowdit is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jabflowdit created a photon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabflowdit, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jabflowdit, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jabflowdit's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Jabflowdit's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never wear red tights.

3. You must never eat figs.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always look after injured sharks.