Timtalhog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, effective squid.

Timtalhog created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timtalhog, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Timtalhog, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Timtalhog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Timtalhog's Holy Commandments

1. Timtalhog loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not speak about onions.

3. Hide from mauve whales for they are unholy.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not make images of living things.