Bonkbessvannurtcen is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, self-confident crab.

Bonkbessvannurtcen created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkbessvannurtcen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bonkbessvannurtcen, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Bonkbessvannurtcen's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Bonkbessvannurtcen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine frogs approach from the south.

2. Always obey Bonkbessvannurtcen's priests.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Bonkbessvannurtcen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.