Quamontvad is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, amazing rhinoceros.

Quamontvad created the Whirlpool Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamontvad, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quamontvad, she will turn you into a goat.

Quamontvad's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Quamontvad's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quamontvad.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about special relativity near hamsters while wearing blue rings and balancing seven gold spheres on your neck.