Bisspandim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, prudent bear.

Bisspandim created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bisspandim, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bisspandim, he will turn you into a rock.

Bisspandim's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Bisspandim's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near seals while wearing fawn rings.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never mention doves.

5. Do not keep five turtles in a large pit.