Zagmetbug is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, boastful seal.

Zagmetbug created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zagmetbug, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Zagmetbug, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Zagmetbug's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Zagmetbug's Holy Commandments

1. Zagmetbug loves badgers, so they must be respected.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Never paint your hands fawn.

5. Never talk about bats.