Narlunbam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, ill-tempered scorpion.

Narlunbam created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlunbam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Narlunbam, he will turn you into a duck.

Narlunbam's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Narlunbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not take Narlunbam's name in vain.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never play with disobedient children.