Ponarfjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, calm turtle.

Ponarfjarn created gold two years ago.

If you believe in Ponarfjarn, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Ponarfjarn, he will turn you into a goat.

Ponarfjarn's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ponarfjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never talk about dark matter near snakes while wearing magenta coats.