Gonpinpit is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, unthoughtful crab.

Gonpinpit created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Gonpinpit, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Gonpinpit, she will turn you into a tree.

Gonpinpit's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Gonpinpit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gonpinpit.