Rutmotbest is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, grumpy human.

Rutmotbest created a down quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Rutmotbest, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Rutmotbest, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Rutmotbest's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Rutmotbest's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry dogs.

2. Put Rutmotbest first in all things.

3. Never hop near tortoises.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Do not hurt bats.