Lamtamcut is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, happy mongoose.

Lamtamcut created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamtamcut, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lamtamcut, it will destroy your favourite star.

Lamtamcut's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Lamtamcut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Lamtamcut loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never wear yellow dresses.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.