Bifspaggil is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, confident gorilla.

Bifspaggil created tapeworms four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifspaggil, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bifspaggil, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bifspaggil's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Bifspaggil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear copper on your body.

2. Worship no other gods but Bifspaggil.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never talk about photosynthesis.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.