Affubfabvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, awesome mole.

Affubfabvonk created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Affubfabvonk, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Affubfabvonk, it will turn you into a tree.

Affubfabvonk's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Affubfabvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always help eagles in need.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never think about quantum gravity.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never go into magenta rooms.