Cubflaptargwipwotlog is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, contented elephant.

Cubflaptargwipwotlog created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Cubflaptargwipwotlog, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cubflaptargwipwotlog, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cubflaptargwipwotlog's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Cubflaptargwipwotlog's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

3. Never hurt grasshopers.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near swans while wearing fawn kilts and balancing seven silicon spheres on your feet.

5. Never eat limes.