Laksterfed is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, all-powerful pigeon.

Laksterfed created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Laksterfed, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Laksterfed, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Laksterfed's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Laksterfed's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat moths with great respect.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Bats are not to be trusted.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never feed lots of grapes to nematodes while wearing turquoise corsets.