Pakguttun is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, overgenerous human.

Pakguttun created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakguttun, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pakguttun, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Pakguttun's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Pakguttun's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to ants while wearing magenta corsets.

2. Hide if eight moths approach from the north.

3. Never talk about gravity near snails while wearing pink kilts.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Pakguttun.

5. Do not stand on grass.