Tardotven is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, omnipotent swan.

Tardotven created bats four million years ago.

If you believe in Tardotven, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tardotven, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tardotven's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tardotven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.